“There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven.” –Ecclesiastes 3:1

Life changes. Life (noun) changes (verb). Or, life (adjective) changes (noun). Either way you say it, life can and does change. And life changes impact us, whether they are good changes or not-what-we-expected changes. I have all the words to say about this. I’ve been sitting on some thoughts about this for about three weeks now. Life changes–such a broad topic and loaded with impact. King Solomon, the wisest king to ever live, said there is a time for everything, for every season…a time to live and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to throw stones and a time to gather stones, a time to embrace and a time to avoid embracing, a time to search and a time to count as lost, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, and a time for war and a time for peace (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).

As I read through the list of times, I am struck by how we often experience more than one season at a time. We can be in a time of silence while loving. We can weep while we are dancing. We can plant even while something else needs to be put to death in our lives. So many seasons of life. Once upon a time ago, I thought that when God called me to something, it was for a lifetime. God’s calling is irrevocable (Romans 11:29), yes, but that calling is the call to Himself, the call to follow Him. What that looks like changes during varying seasons of life. I have wrestled with knowing when a calling has come to an end and how to determine if it is time to close the door on a specific chapter of life. How do we discern between opposition to God’s calling and the need to persevere with trusting that God is saying it is time to let the season end? These are tough questions. At times, challenging circumstances are meant to refine us and to strengthen our faith. Other times, God is clearly reorienting our internal navigational systems to point us onto a different path. And when He does that, it is not easy. Often it can feel as though our faith is taking a beating because we can regress and begin to question if we ever heard him correctly at all. Sound familiar or just me?

Within the last couple of months, it feels like all of my current seasons are approaching the end. New ones are sure to be on the horizon, but living in it now is uncomfortable and uncertain. I feel like Peter when he was walking on the water towards Jesus, yet daily I am fighting the urge to take my eyes off of Jesus and focus on the waves crashing all around me. My time of leading women’s Bible study unexpectedly came to an end with no opportunity for a healthy transition. Another dream I was holding onto was quickly and painfully dashed to the ground. Children are growing up and moving on and into their own new seasons with little need for me anymore. And there are days when I question everything. Do I throw in the towel on writing? Was this something I just wanted and continue to force it when I should move on? Did God ever call me to lead women’s Bible study or did I self-impose that calling? Can I trust myself to make decisions? What God is teaching me, though, is that the most significant and critical question is “How do I learn to wait on the Lord and recognize His voice and leading?” He promises that He is our shepherd, and His sheep know His voice (John 10:27-28).

What I am learning is that it all comes down to how deep my faith is. Am I believing God and entrusting myself and my concerns to Him and His faithful love? As I struggle with the question of “what’s next?,” I hear Him softly calling to me and surrounding me with His love. He sees and knows the disappointment, the confusion, the hurt, the vulnerability I am now experiencing. He knows I don’t trust myself to make the right decision about what is next. During this season, I am learning what it means for Jesus to be my refuge, what it means to be surrounded and carried by His love, what it means to be still and know that He is God and I am not. I don’t have to understand the what and the why and the how. I just have to believe that God has me in this shifting season of my life, in the midst of all of these life changes. Hurts abound where humans are involved which makes trusting others a seemingly impossible feat. Yet God tenderly tells us to entrust ourselves to Him. He is our guardian and protector. I can trust God enough to love other people and trust Him with the outcomes. Jesus has got my back and He’s got yours.

Right now, today, as I write this, I have no clue what is next for me. Do I have the next great novel locked up inside of me somewhere? Or, is God going to use these current challenges to refine me and to prepare me to write and to share with others what He has been teaching me? Motherhood was my identity, but now that also looks different. I am quieting myself as I get older. I am learning to be like Mary, who sat at the feet of Jesus to hear, to learn, to know Jesus, and to worship Him. It’s so easy to look back and say, if I could do it all over again, this is what I would do differently. However, that invites a shame that does absolutely no good. What I have done and where I have been, God has graciously used to make me who I am today. My life is full of changes. Summer isn’t usually the time of year when the major things change. Summer is usually more carefree and a time for relaxing and recharging. My summer this year, though, is for refocusing, reassessing, realigning, and revisioning. I am internally mourning the passing of a season while celebrating that new things are yet to come. For me, it is a season of throwing away rather than keeping. It is a time for endings while seeds are being planted for new beginnings. It is a time for searching and a time for healing. It is a time for silence and a time for building new dreams and goals. It is a time for uprooting lies of the enemy and believing the truth of who God says I am.

What is your season? Life changes are happening all around us. Life changes can hurt and can leave us feeling unhinged and unmoored. I am learning that this is the perfect time for Jesus to enter into our story make it His story too. Life changes don’t mean all that once was is all that will ever be. We carry memories made and lessons learned with us into our next season. Be thankful for life changes. Life changes mean God is up to something new and good. Ecclesiastes 3 has always resonated as a beautiful poem. Yet this summer, it is resounding in the deepest places of my soul. And I feel the stirrings of this beautiful little thing called hope.