“When Mary came to where Jesus was and saw Him, she fell at His feet and told Him, ‘Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died!’” –John 11:32

William Shakespeare once said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” Somehow, I, too, unknowingly adopted the mindset of “no expectations, no disappointments.” What is it about life that caused Mr. Shakespeare to pen such a statement and for me to cease to have expectations of people? When I was a young girl, I dreamed of the life I would live one day. I would be the heroine in my own story. I lived in my imagination and created worlds and dialogues and characters, then proceeded to live them out on my front porch—which, of course, was my stage. Even as a girl, I embraced the dreams in my heart of being the princess and that my very own Prince Charming would one day ride in on his stunning white horse and whisk me away into the sunset.

Granted, my stories were rooted in the grandest of fairy tales, yet deep down inside, my hope, my expectation, was that this would be my story. I’m sure you can relate to me when I say that my reality, as I grew older, did not meet my fairy tale. Thus, the start of dashed dreams, broken hearts, and lowered expectations. My naivete paved the way for unrealistic expectations, Initially, I blindly believed that people would do what they said and did not entertain the possibility that all would not turn out as expected. My fairy tale most certainly did not include all the fears associated with a son with a disease that could potentially blind him or having four children then getting divorced. I definitely did not expect being a single mom, raising my kids on my own for 10 years. Slowly, piece by piece, my expectations became nonexistent in efforts to protect my heart.

To journey through life with no expectations is simply not feasible. We all have roles we must play. Attached to those roles are absolutely going to be expectations. If you have a boss, then I am fairly certain he or she expects you to arrive at work each day. If you have children, then you are expected, entrusted, with ensuring they are fed, clothed, nurtured, well-cared for, loved, and supported. If you are married, then your spouse expects you to be faithful to him or her until death parts you.  There is a balance in life to expectations. We may not always like them, and we may be disappointed, but to a degree, they can hold us accountable. Yet life does disappoint us at times, and we often encounter what we do not expect. Or, like me, have you also been the one to have been the source of unmet expectations? What do we do during those times?

Let us look no further than the example of Jesus. In John 11, Jesus and His disciples received word that His good buddy, Lazarus, was sick, yet He deliberately chose to remain where He was and did not immediately leave for the town of Bethany where Lazarus was. When I read this passage, my mind cannot help but ask the question, “why?” even though I know the answer and how the story ends. It feels counterintuitive to what we expect Jesus to do and to be.

Jesus made the choice to not leave where He was with His disciples until He knew Lazarus had already died. When Jesus and company arrive on the scene, Lazarus had been dead for four days (John 11:17). Jewish tradition maintained that “the soul stayed near the body for only three days.” By waiting the additional days, there would be absolutely no doubt that Lazarus was most assuredly dead, and his soul was no longer lingering around the body.

Jesus was close friends with this group of siblings. Had I been one of the sisters, Mary and Martha, I wholeheartedly would have expected Jesus to make the healing of my brother a priority. I imagine my response would have been quite similar to Mary’s (John 11:32). I can hear myself, in an accusing tone, asking Him, “Why did you delay?” while my thoughts would have been spinning with the unspoken words that “if He could heal so many others and was willing to do so, then why not my own brother? They were friends. Jesus has healed so many people He didn’t even know, for crying out loud.” Of course, we do not know what Mary was thinking, but we do know that she and her sister expected Jesus to heal Lazarus—before he died.

Consider Jesus in this scenario. He was on the receiving end of the doubts, the pain, and the disappointment. Yet He, too, was disappointed when He arrived. While He observed the crowd of people mourning Lazarus, He was moved with compassion for the people and simultaneously troubled.  After everything Jesus had demonstrated to them and for them, they did not recognize or believe that Jesus was capable of raising the dead, quite literally.

Jesus expected, and hoped, that the Jews would have displayed a greater faith in Him than what they did. John 11:35, which states, “Jesus wept,” is often used as an example of the great compassion and humanity of Jesus. However, the New American Commentary aptly describes this scene this way: “Jesus’ weeping here is directly related to the failure of His followers to recognize his mission as the agent of God. God’s Son was in their midst. They really missed the point.” After all the miracles Jesus had performed among the Jews, they still did not get it.

Aren’t we often like Mary? We often miss the point as well. We expect Jesus to answer our prayers in the way we have requested. We want Him to do for us like He did for another. Maybe we have asked Jesus repeatedly for a child, like Hannah. Or maybe we have asked Jesus for healing, but it has yet to manifest. Well-meaning individuals may question our faith or “encourage” us to pray more diligently. But God knows the situation, and God knows every single one of our hearts. He tells us His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Yet when our expectations of what we think He should be doing are not met, we have a choice on how to respond. We can respond like Mary and say, “if only You…” Or we can respond with a faithful, expectant heart, knowing that Jesus will be faithful, and He will answer in His own way for His glory and our good. We can choose to trust that if His answer does not align with our will, then we know it is His best for us, even when it hurts and we cannot understand it.

Mary was disappointed. Martha’s expectations initially went unmet. Undoubtedly, even Lazarus probably expected Jesus to arrive to heal him prior to his death. Then Jesus arrived on the scene and was greeted by the heartbreak and disappointment of those grieving, though His heart was grieved by their lack of faith. Expectations, and yes, even disappointments, are part of life here on planet Earth. The day is coming when Jesus will return, and all heartache, heartbreak, and loss will be healed and restored. In the midst of everyday life, remember that Jesus IS the answer we are seeking. Jesus will not disappoint. We may not understand the why or the how of His plans, but we can trust His heart towards us.

As humans, we tend to misplace our hope and our security in what we can see, feel, taste, touch, smell, and hear. We are affected by the hurts and disappointments of others, and our ability to trust takes a hit. But Jesus beckons us to Him to bring our hurts, failures, fears, disappointments, and even our expectations and leave them in His faithful arms. My encouragement and challenge today is that each one of us would trust Jesus enough to trust others. When others fail us or let us down, God is always, ALWAYS, going to catch us and set our feet on solid ground.

Jesus performed far beyond the expectations and imaginations of both Mary and Martha–what a miracle they would have missed had Jesus immediately traveled to Bethany! What does Jesus have in store for us as we place our expectations and hope in Him?!

Blessings!