“Send me a sign of your favor. Then those who hate me will be put to shame, for you, O LORD, help and comfort me.”–Psalm 86:17

I like organization. I like things to be neatly placed and organized in such a way that makes the most sense. This helps to locate things and remember where things are. As much as I try to keep it all organized, life, in fact, does not often like to cooperate with this. I’ve heard it said before that if you want to make God laugh, then tell Him your plans. While this is often said tongue-in-cheek, there is an element of truth in it. How often do we make plans and then all of our plans turn in quite the opposite direction? When this happens in my world, I quickly jump to a few differing thoughts. I will either think that I did not hear God correctly in my planning, or, if I am not in a great place, I will think sarcastically that I never should have expected anything less than the opposite of what I prayed.

I wish I could present this put-together, always thinking the most spiritual thoughts on situations version of who I am. But, if I am honest with myself, I cannot. There have even been times that I will choose not to pray for something because in my experience, God frequently likes to do the opposite of what I am requesting. Many flaws exist in this type of thinking. Namely, I give myself far too much credit and God far too little. Yet the nagging question remains, why, in fact, do we assume that God will always want the opposite of what we want for ourselves? We think that if it is fun or something we enjoy, then God must not be in it. I sit here shaking my head as I type. God is teaching me that I am thinking way too much about myself and way too little of Him.

When did this narrow view of God creep into my thinking? And this type of thinking impacts how I live and how I pray and how I think, not necessarily in that order. To think that God desires to see how uncomfortable I am willing to get for Him grossly distorts the character and nature of God. True, God wants to be the King on the throne of our hearts, and He will go to great lengths to ensure He is in that rightful place. However, when this happens, it is not because God delights in making it opposite day for us. No, God will choose to make us uncomfortable during seasons of plucking, uprooting, and pruning, but His heart towards us is always good and full of grace. When God allows something hurtful and painful in our lives, it is never in vain. God is for our good and His glory.

All of these thought processes lead us to a boxed-in God. At the root of this boxed-in God thinking is a lack of trust and faith in who God is and what His heart is towards us. If I do not believe that God is working out all things for the good of those who love Him, then I will not pray “big” prayers. I limit the activity of God in my life on a basis of a lack of faith. God is a God of abundance, a God of flourishing and growth, a God of goodness, a God of riches, and a God of grace. Somehow, this scarcity mentality has seeped into Christianity. God is limitless, and how we do Him a disservice when we start to put Him within the boxes of limited expectations of Him. Fear is a factor as well. We fear allowing God full access to the reins of our lives because we fear what He will do with them.

I am bowed over in humility and repentance at my utter lack of faith and understanding of who God is. He is so far beyond my comprehension yet He desires an intimate relationship with me. He is the God of the universe, magnificent Creator, and He very much cares about the minutiae of MY everyday life. How can it be? In Luke 12:32, Jesus says, “Don’t be afraid, little flock, because your Father delights to give you the kingdom.” This has become one of my favorite verses, and yet I tend to approach Him timidly and not seeking His favor in confidence.

Until one day recently God rocked my world during my quiet time with Him. I read a verse that I have read many times before, albeit this time in another version, and I was struck. “Send me a sign of your favor.” Wow! Did I dare say this to the Lord? Because, what if I did, and I was disappointed? What if He didn’t show up? What if it revealed that my deepest fear about God was true? Was I even allowed to pray this prayer to the Lord? Wasn’t it quite bold? Then I remembered Gideon who asked the Lord for a sign. “If I have found favor with you, give me a sign that you are speaking with me.” (Judges 6:17) It’s not even that I have been living my life not trusting God, rather, I had been playing it somewhat safe, keeping God in a box of my own making. God doesn’t fit in man made boxes, my friends. God tears down whatever boxes we attempt to put Him in. Sometimes, He waits for our hearts to be ready for Him and in the right place, and He graciously and gently shreds our boxes and blows our minds with His awe-inspiring presence.

That is exactly what He did with me that day. I prayed for Him to send me a sign of His favor, and oh how He did! No earth-shattering or life-altering events occurred that day. But He did delight me in ways that I knew were only from Him for me. A bear running across the road. The words of a song as He answered the questions I had posed to Him earlier in the day. The deeper understanding of an old concept. And my favorite coffee creamer was again in stock at the store! Small things but reflective of a near and intimate God.

After being a follower of Jesus for so long and after taking many blows throughout my walk of faith, I unintentionally had placed a box around God. I needed to know what to expect of Him, to know that He is safe. C.S Lewis famously said it of Aslan, ” ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good.” That is our God. He is good. We don’t want a God who has to play it safe or a God with whom we play it safe with our trust. God isn’t limited by us or our expectations. We only limit the access we allow Him to have in our lives. And when we do that, we have a boxed-in God. God is not meant to be boxed-in. God has plans for our lives that far surpass our thoughts, imaginations, and expectations. My prayer has become for me, my family, and those I love: “Send us a sign of Your favor.” God’s favor shows up in ways we cannot even begin to expect.

Let’s remove the box we have placed around God. God showed me that day that I don’t pray big and expect big from Him anymore. I play it safe. God challenged me to pray big. God is not a God of disappointment. God is a God of hope. He is just awaiting our invitation to total access to our lives. And I have accepted His challenge to pray big. May you also pray big prayers of God and be awed by His power, presence, and goodness.