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“The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little while.” — 1 Peter 5:10

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I have two vivid memories of moments when I was acutely aware that Jesus was, is, the source of the truest and richest satisfaction to be found. The first time was when my children were all very young, between the ages of 1-7, and we were walking through Bethlehem. Not the Bethlehem of the Bible, but through a live Christmas event representative of the town of Bethlehem. I had this moment of utter clarity what Isaiah meant when he penned these words, “Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare” (Isaiah 55:2).

The second instance of this awareness was several years later when I was on a mission trip in Guatemala. We were far from the everyday comforts of home, having to walk a mile one way just to use a bathroom when we were onsite building houses. I was walking down the road with two gentlemen from our church, and I cannot remember the context of the conversation or the question one of them posed to me, but I clearly remember telling him, “I am content.” And this contentment was one that only can be found in Christ.

That closeness, that intimacy, with Jesus was not a result of my life circumstances being exactly what I wanted nor were they related to perfect moments. That certainty stemmed from where I was in my walk with Jesus. More than once in my life I have knowingly stepped into seasons of sin, momentarily forgetting or choosing to ignore what I knew to be true: that Jesus Christ is the ONLY source of true satisfaction that can be found.

But the enemy is really good at his job. In John, Jesus called Satan the father of lies (John 8:44). You see, what Satan does is slightly twist the truth to make it believable enough for us to bite. Even when we know better. In a moment of weakness or in the throes of a pity party, he will whisper into your ear, “you deserve this.” At least, that is what he did to me. More than once. And somehow, despite everything I knew, despite everything I had experienced, I bit. I took the bait. I dove headfirst into the water, chasing the lies. Yet what Satan fails to mention is that temporary gratification is not satisfaction at all.

It has been said that sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay. Being a woman of faith only made the descent into sin that much more shameful for me. Sinners, unbelievers, when they sin, they don’t know any better. But a woman who has loved Jesus fully and has known what it is to delight in Jesus does know better, did know better, and should have known better. How does that woman raise her eyes again to look at the face of Jesus, knowing that every single sin, especially the intentional ones, nailed Jesus to the cross one at a time? He felt every one of them. He took my most shameful moments and wore my every sin and shame on the cross, exposed and humiliated for me.

How does that woman find her way back to Jesus? Grace is hard to offer to others at times, but what I have found is that grace, in fact, can be much more difficult to receive. Especially when we are poignantly aware of just how much we do not deserve it. Yet, I knew that my Jesus went to the cross for those sins I blatantly committed. With much humility, my shame, and great repentance, I crawled back to Jesus, much like the prodigal son in Luke 15. Yet, in Middle Eastern culture, that parable is known as the Running Father. I was the prodigal daughter who shamefully returned to my Father, but the Father came running to me. Delighted to forgive and to redeem me with His unconditional love.

What I found was that it requires a lot of faith to believe you are forgiven. Jesus has done a great work in my heart and my life over the last several years to remind me, to assure me, and to demonstrate to me that He did not begrudgingly forgive me because He is God and Jesus died for all my sins. God has tenderly led my heart to this place of profound belief and confidence in His complete redemptive work of forgiveness and healing.

For the last few years, God has graciously been teaching me how to believe and accept His forgiveness and healing, but I found myself remembering those days of delighting in the presence of Jesus. I longed to have that again. The pure delight of fellowship with the Father. But I was at a loss on how to navigate my way back into such a beautiful and precious relationship with Him in that way. At first it began as a sudden recollection and wistful wishing for it. But then I realized that God was telling me this was His heart towards me as well. He did not forgive me and redeem me for me live with this unfulfilled longing of what once had been. I was not merely passing time here operating at arm’s length until He calls me home.

But how? How was I supposed to return to that place of delight in Him? I love Jesus so much. My testimony is Luke 7:36-50. I am the woman falling at the feet of Jesus, fully aware of who He is and how sinful I am. Yet I am also that same woman who knows exactly who Jesus is and that He is worth everything. I know how much I have been forgiven. I know how much that forgiveness cost and just how undeserving I am of that forgiveness. “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven–for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven loves little” (Luke 7:47). I love Jesus so, so much, and it took some time for me to believe, and fully accept, His forgiveness. You know, the forgiveness of my I-knew-better-than-that sins.

Towards the end of every year, I go to God with a question, “what is Your word for me for the next year?” I prayerfully ask and listen for His response. For 2025, His response was: Restoration. Stirrings of excitement rose within me when I sensed His answer. Restoration was like a gentle breeze washing over my soul. And I knew that restoration was how to return to a place of total delight in Jesus and certainty of experiencing the truest, richest, and purest form of satisfaction to be found this side of eternity.

Each month of this year, so far, Jesus and I have focused on a different element of restoration in my life. And with each one, it has been coupled with a focus on a specific spiritual discipline. What a sweet time of intimacy and fellowship I have been experiencing with the Father again. In January, we focused on the restoration of my identity and the discipline of worship. In February, it was the restoration of my freedom with the discipline of prayer. March was focused on the restoration of joy with the discipline of praise. In April, God centered on the restoration of His peace to me, within me, and around me, and the discipline of slowing down. For the month of May, we have concentrated on the restoration of my purpose and the discipline of fellowship.

What has been thrilling to experience is the way each month has only added onto the month before–they are not isolated from one another; rather, they enhance each other. They are interwoven into this tapestry God is weaving within my spirit, not only reminding me of His fulfillment of these things in my life but also as the restoration of what those seasons of sin have stolen from me. God’s nature is not to merely forgive and redeem. No, He generously offers us restoration in Him. While He could have easily spoken a word of restoration of into my life, and it would have been so, He chose to bestow His beautiful gift of restoration to me as a process. We have journeyed down this path together, and it is through this daily, prayerful, authentic, raw, and delightful fellowship that I can again say that Jesus is the delight of my soul and the satisfaction of my heart.

We are never too far for God to reach us. He wants more than to just return us to His loving embrace. He longs to restore us in Him. Where are you longing for a touch of Jesus and His restoration today? Ask Him. God longs for us to be in communion and fellowship with Him. He welcomes our prayers and our petitions. He tells us that when we seek Him, we will find Him. He is not a hidden God. He is alive and active among His people. And be patient. If He invites you to a journey with Him, accept the offer, for it is along the adventure where you will experience Him fully.